January 01, 2015

Happy New Year Suckaaasss!!!

Like a lot of people, I started 2014 with some resolutions and 'letting go' of the past. Because that's what we've been told - to let go of the past, make resolutions, start afresh. So like every year, I decided to let things go and make this year about completing those resolutions, thinking that it would give me peace or make me happy or some other fucked up reason. But, I did manage to complete every single one of those resolutions. All of them were not in my control, but somehow they all were successfully completed. My resolutions for 2014 were:

1) Finish the Book: My sister (Nikita - the other author of this blog. You'll hear from her soon) and I have been working on a book since the end of 2012 and in 2013, we kind of stopped working on it for certain reasons. But hey, we completed the first draft in the first 3 months of 2014 and now it’s almost ready for publishing. This was something that was in my control and I did it. So there is that.

2) Fix my skin: I was a fat person. Not obese, but yeah, heavy. After I lost a lot of weight in 2013, I started having terrible acne problems. So I decided I would make it better no matter how many meds I had to take and you know what, they are almost gone now. I didn't know if it would happen but it did.

3) Get a boyfriend: Let’s be clear here, I was not and am not desperate for a guy in my life. But I have been the kind of person who's had a problem with commitment. I am also too picky and I wanted to get over those fears. So I decided I will date someone this year. At that point, there was no potential guy in mind but hey, even that happened. Now, whether it worked out or not is irrelevant (hahaha), but the resolution was achieved.

Now you'd think that this would make me happy. Well... It did not even give me joy worth nuts. And here’s why.

There is this pressure that comes with the New Year. That you have to let go, get closure with things in the past and move on, forget everything, start afresh. And, I want to know why? Just because there’s a change in the calendar? Well, using that logic, every month should be a fresh start, every week should get a fresh start, every day... you get the drift.

I ‘let go’ at the beginning of 2014. I shut so many doors of the past and was so focused on keeping those doors shut that I forgot to enjoy everything else. 

I’m not saying you shouldn't let go, I’m just saying that don't let a number change in the calendar make you do that. Stop telling yourself that you have to let go and stop looking for closure from people in November and December because ‘you have to start the New Year fresh.’ Because you don't really know what life has in store for you. The next year could be shittier than the last one, the ex you broke up with and got closure from, might be your spouse one day. The problems you left behind might come back harder the next time and the friends you celebrated New Year’s Eve with could kick you in the shin and run away with all your money next year.

These things can't be controlled. When it’s time, things will happen on their own, things and people will let go, themselves, you won’t have to actively get out there just to get closure. You don't have to close any doors to be happy. You just need to learn from your mistakes.

Honestly, most people don't really let go, they just try to be someone new for that one night of New Year’s Eve. Their resolutions and crap only last the first few days of January (the whole of January if they are determined and rarely till February.) Then, they go back to the same old issues.

Getting back with exes, the same problems with their friends, same confusions – they’re all still there in their ‘fresh start.’

The point is, you can't really set a date for changing your life. It happens gradually, no one can plan it.

And, while we are at it, like, stop feeling bad about not having plans on New Year's Eve. It's not that big a deal. Yes, the earth completed one revolution; it does that EVERY YEAR. Calm your shit now! New Year’s Eve is just an excuse to get sloshed, get groped, make out, make a complete fool out of yourself, take a million duck faced selfies wearing red lipstick and pretend that this is a great way to start the New Year. 

Chutiye ho kya?

So this year, the only thing I am letting go of, is LETTING GO. I am done trying to get closure and start afresh. I am not saying I will dwell in the past but I won't shut it out of my life and throw it away either. I am opening every door I had shut. Everyone who chose to not be in my life is welcome to come back. It might not be the same, but I won't close any doors for anyone whom I can have a good or even cordial relationship with. I will just have a different way of dealing with those situations or relationships.

So, the doors are all wide open. Come back, stay out or get out of my life, it’s going to be your choice, not mine. I will continue to be happy regardless. Or you know, get drunk a lot.

Happy New Year, Suckaaasss!!


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